The Madeline McCann film is a subject I can’t leave alone. Let’s ignore the fact the story was dismissed as untrue today (or at the very least the moral outrage caused someone to see sense) because it spoils things too much, and let’s ignore the murky morals of the McCann case, frankly it’s another blog all together which other writers have covered with more eloquence than I can currently be bothered to conjure this morning. The idea of Maddy: The Movie (as the tabs inevitably put it) is too irresistible a concept to not take further.
So, Thatjokeisntfunny productions proudly present the motion picture event of the decade. You’ll cry, you’ll quake with fear, you’ll shudder in disgust at the reactions of your own nation and it’s media. It’s a gripping tale of vengeance and plotting, with a spiral of twists each deepening the mystery. The best thing is, we don’t even know how it’ll end yet.
Ladies and gentleman we present: MADELINE! 
Oh…hang on…
Better rethink that.
Ladies and gentleman we present: Pretty and Missing: the McCann Story.
From blockbusting Director Michael Bay
Staring
Robert Linsey………………………..Gerry McCann
Jill Dando………………………..Kate McCann
Sean McCann as himself
Amelie McCann as herself
Wendy Richard………………………..Jennifer Murat
Al Murray………………………..Robert Murat
Sean Hughes………………………..Dr Russell O’Brian
Gillian Taylforth………………………..Jane Taner
Matthew Kelly………………………..Dr Matthew Oldfield
Kaye Adams………………………..Rachel Oldfield
Nicolas Lindhusrt………………………..David Payne
Letitia Dean………………………..Dr Fiona Payne
Pauline Quirk………………………..Diane Webster
Antonia Banderas………………………..Lieutenant Colonel Costa Cabral
Ian McShane………………………..Chief Inspector Olegário de Sousa
Benicio De Toro………………………..Miguel Matias
Cheech Marin………………………..Sergey Malinka
Dany Trejo………………………..Carlos Pinto de Abreu
Anna Friel………………………..Justine McGuinness
Paul Whitehouse………………………..Pinto de Abreu
Julia Sawala………………………..Jacqui Smith
Dexter Fletcher………………………..Gordon Brown
Patrick Kielty as himself
Alan Dale………………………..Rupert Murdoch
Martin Brunt as himself
David Tennant………………………..Alípio Ribeiro
Mark Berry………………………..José Cunha de Magalhães e Meneses
Dave Longley………………………..Luis Bilro Verão
Richard Fleeshman………………………..Anjos Frias
Nigel Planer………………………..Clarence Mitchell
And introducing Madeline McCann as herself.
*please note Thatjokeisn’tfunnyanymore hopes for the safe return of Madeline McCann to her family. We don’t want to get into the shit over this. Unless they did it of course, in which case she's probably better off without them.
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